Strangest MLB Merchandise

Last week the New York Times ran a really weird article about Yankees Sod, a new product that’s pretty much just what it sounds like. It is grass that’s been licensed by the New York Yankees for sale to fans. The turf actually comes from the same 80-acre plot as the grass that was recently installed in the new Yankee Stadium. If you go to a New York-area Home Depot you can pick up a a five-square-foot patch of this grass for around $7.50.

To most fans, this idea seems kind of crazy. By some kind of strange logic of MLB product licensing, there’s nothing odd about it. In fact, there are a lot of unnecessary things a MLB team has licensed. Here are a few other “currently available” products that give Yankees Sod a run for its money in the ridiculousness department.

A Wincraft Chicago Cubs 5 Quart Galvanized Pail
At some point in his career, a dairy cow runs into the same problem. He doesn’t know what MLB team to moo for. This galvanized milk bucket can help out any confused cow pick a team to graze the pasture for. Well worth the $15.99 asking price.

Still not convinced? Well maybe this sales pitch from MLB.com will help you out: “They have a waterproof sealed bottom and are great for holding ice, water, dirt, or anything else you would like to carry or hold in these great decorative pail.”

Really? That’s your selling point for a bucket? That it won’t leak and you can put stuff in it? This is a bucket. It’s just like every other bucket you’ve ever seen, but with a Cubs logo on the side and more expensive. Shouldn’t the Cubs logo make it less expensive?

Fleer New York Mets B2 Stealth Bomber
You want your kid to play with sports toys, but he loves military ones. What to do? For just $25, you can buy a die-cast stealth bomber replica covered with New York Mets “stickers” logos. There’s no underlying logic that ties the team and the plane together, so this novelty is just a bit of licensing absurdity. If the Mets fans want to talk about something quiet, fast, and awesomely destructive, they can talk about the team’s bullpen.

Caskets and Crematory Urns
Has a lifetime of being a Pirates fan not been quite enough for you? Now you can take your frustration into the afterlife with MLB-licensed funerary products from Eternal Image, Inc. In early 2007, the company started selling MLB-themed urns, and towards the end of 2008, it introduced its MLB caskets. They sold out within a week. The urns, which will run you $799, come with a baseball as part of the display. The product’s website notes that the family can replace the ball with one from their collection. Just don’t take the ball start playing with it; that’s a one-way ticket to a haunting.

Garden Gnomes
Ever think your garden should start to show a little more team spirit? Forever Collectibles has a line of lawn gnomes where the hats feature MLB logos. I don’t know really what to say about this one. Just, why? A garden Gnome? It’s just going to get stolen.

ProMark Arizona Diamondbacks Level and Hammer
When Brandon Webb does home improvement projects, do you think he uses just any old hamer? Of course not! If he’s got any team loyalty!! He picks up his special 10-inch Diamondbacks level and matching hammer when he starts to work on his house. For around $40 you can hammer in style. “The comfortable molded rubber grip is designed to fit the sport.” What sport, baseball or competitive hammering?

You can find cool auction items like these on online auction sites. If you are hampered by a slow dial up connection, switch to WildBlue Satellite Internet and give yourself the speed you need to land some of these unusual items.

Facebook Friends

Whenever my friend is having a party I always show up late. I just don’t want to be the first one there. I like to wait and let the party settle in before I show up. At every party you have different kind of party friends. You have the “Lightweight” who is passed out by the time you show up. “The Klutz”, this person can spill your beer from across the room. There is the “Couch Potato”, “Mr. I have to Drive Tonight”, “The Meathead”, the list goes on. Me, well I’m the “Late Guy”.

So I was thinking Facebook…No difference. You have a group of friends all in the one place, doing a bunch of annoying things, but you are having a great time! I know what your thinking, “at a party there is alcohol”. Well with Facebook, there is the Internet. The Internet is the “alcohol” at this Facebook party, and at this Facebook party you have different kind of friends. So here is a list of different types of Facebook friends.

The Overzealous Updater - This is the friend who can’t go a half an hour without sharing what’s on his mind. Honestly I really want to know about how you burnt your Hot Pocket, I don’t need to know that you’ve just had your second shower of the day. For that matter, I didn’t need to hear about the first one either.

The Linker - This is the friend who does nothing but share links all day. Links to articles he’s read that he thinks the whole world should be reading, links to movie reviews, links to new games coming on the market, links to his Twitter page where he’s gone and posted 10 more links. Links to his links to links!! There needs to be a limit. Some links are good; especially when it’s some funny you tube video of a guy getting hit in the crouch with a football.

The Groupie - This is the friend who jumps on more band wagons then a New York Yankees fan when they start winning again. They join every group that comes their way. “The I like to cut my crust of my sandwich group” REALLY?!

I Am My Kids - This friend only uses Facebook to post photos of their kids, or updates that read: “Tommy didn’t feel well today, so he stayed home from school.” Hey don’t care so shut up! Might as well not even have your own profile; just create one for the kid.

Spies - This is the Ex-girlfriend or boyfriend who only friends you so” he or she” can spy on you and make sure you have fewer friends then “he or she” has, and that your new significant other is less attractive than “he or she” was. I know it’s complicated.

The Wanna-Be - This is the person who friends someone with the great hope of becoming friends with that person in real life. Just because Ryan Seacrest is you friend on Facebook dose not mean he will call you later to get some drinks.

The Two-facer - This friend will accept your friend request just to be polite, but then hides your updates immediately. Unfortunately, you have no idea who the two-facers are.

The Networker - This is the friend whose sole purpose on Facebook is to build a list he can tap when he needs a job. You know these friends because they only message you with e-mails that read “So you still over at Stop and Shop?”

The OverPoker - No need to explain this one. You know who you are!!

The Attention Seeker - This is the friend who posts status updates that are purposely vague, and therefore beg for a comment. Their status is all about getting you to respond, getting attention, getting sympathy, leaving you wanting more. “Lori is scared, but hopes everything works out…” What? What happen? Son of a…!

The Lyricist - Will not post anything except song lyrics. This does not make you cool. In fact you are now less cool.

The Good Friend - This is the friend who doesn’t fit in any of the above categories and is, hopefully, just one of many normal, average facebookers you’ve friended. Let’s hear it for the Good Friend!

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